prayer

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Do I Matter to God?

While reading a book about prayer I ran across the question: “What would you love to sit down and talk about with God?“

I thought about it for two days before I finally wrote down: “Why do I matter to you?”

It puzzles me. I don’t have a poor self image, but I am not extraordinary in any way, not strikingly beautiful and not a genius. Yet I matter to God. Why?

No answer was immediately forth coming. Did God hear me? Should I not have asked the Creator of the universe such a question?

A week later I remembered something that I had put away in a box in my closet years ago. It is a rag doll I made out of a sock when I was about 10 years old.

I found the instructions in my parents’ Worldbook encyclopedia. (Yes, I still have the encyclopedias.) As you can see it is not the most beautiful doll ever made, but it is one of the first things I made without any help. Over the years I have made much better ones. Why have I kept it all these years? I simply love it because I made it.

I started to think of other things I have made over the years. Quilts, paintings and other miscelaneous things. I love each one and made them with a purpose in mind.

Back to my question for God. “Why do I matter to you?” He answered me in very clear terms. He simply loves the things He makes. I matter because He made me. My value is wrapped up in who loves me. To be loved by God is extraordinary.

If I love a misshapen old doll how much more does He love me? How much more does He love you? Take heart. He is not silent. We just need ears to hear.

For Further study:

Genesis 1:31 “And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good….”

Genesis 5:1 “when God created man, He made him in the likeness of God.”

Psalm 139:14 – “I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well.”

Isaiah 43:4 “Since you are percious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you,”

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.”

I Corinthians 1:26-28 “For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong. And the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are,”

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When it is Too Hard to Pray

(This was a hard post to write. It might be a hard post for you to read. I hope it brings encouragement to someone who feels like God has forgotten.)

Praying. How long do you pray something before you quietly stop? At what point does the praying become too painful? It can be like ripping a scab off an old wound.  Is it right to keep demanding something from God after you have prayed earnestly for years?

I was reminded of Zacharias the other day. (See Luke 1:5-23) He and his wife were “righteous in God’s sight.” They were also well advanced in age, and childless. Zacharias was serving as a priest and it was his turn to go into the sanctuary and burn incense. Imagine his surprise when the angel Gabriel appears to him beside the altar. This was his message.

“Do not be afraid…your prayer has been heard.” “Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son…”

Now I suspect that at one point Zacharias and Elizabeth had both prayed fervently for a son. I also suspect that they had quit praying quite a while ago. As the years passed and as they both grew older, they realized that God had chosen not to send the son they longed for. They had stopped hoping.

I think Zacharias’ response to the angel points this out. “How can I know this? … For I am an old man, and my wife is well along in years.” 

What a comfort to know that God hears our prayers. He hears the first prayer. He hears the last prayer. He hears the prayers we pray boldly and the ones we whisper. His answer is not dependent on our praying harder or longer.

Yes, we are to persevere in prayer, but it is not our perseverance that brings the result. God alone answers as He wills.

So pray. But when it gets too hard to pray, sometimes we must leave it with Him. To shift our gaze from the longed-for answer, to the God who heard our request the first time we asked.

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The Missing Paintings

“They have got to be here somewhere!”

I had carefully done the samples for my art class weeks ago.

When I went to hang them up for display I couldn’t find them. I had searched every room in the house, some of them twice. They were nowhere to be found.

Now with 24 kids coming in a few hours I was desperate.

I finally sat down on the much traveled steps and prayed.

“God you know where they are. Help me find them.”

As soon as the prayer was on my lips I regretted how desperate I was to find something so trivial. If only I was as anxious to find God as I was to find my paintings.

I knelt and prayed a second prayer.

“Help me to search for You like I am searching for the samples.” Remind me that nothing is as valuable as my time with You. Help me to be desperate for You. Thank you for pursuing me, when I was not paying attention. Thank you for loving me.”

Prayer finished,

search continued,

paintings found,

lesson learned. (If only…if only. “Father, help me remember”)

For Further Study:

“The Lord has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men, to see if there are any who understand who seek after God.”

Isaiah 14:2

“Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon Him while He is near.”

Isaiah 55:6

“I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek for Me. I said, “Here I am, here I am.” to a nation which did not call on My name. I have spread out my hands all day long to a rebellious people, Who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts.”

Isaiah 65:1-2

“You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:13

“that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him, and find Him though He is not far from each one of us.”

Acts 17:27

“For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.”

Luke 19:10

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A New Start

This year my daughter-in-law asked me what my goals were for the coming year. I came up empty, but it got me thinking. Suddenly I had a list of 20 things. Realizing that a list that is too long is worse than none at all I did some editing. Here is my much shorter list.

  1. Finish reading through the Bible. No, I’m not going to start in Genesis again. I’m going to start where I am and finish. Too many years I have started over every January without finishing from the year before. Maybe that is why Genesis is one of my favorite books. I have read it more than all the others.
  2. Memorize one Bible verse a month. My goal used to be 2 verses a week. My brain is older and slower now, and 12 verses is better than no verses.
  3. Pray more and keep a prayer journal. I am a forgetful person. I need to be reminded of how faithful God has been, how many times He has met my needs, kept me safe, and encouraged my soul.
  4. Sing more. Music is a necessary survival tool. Next time you feel discouraged try singing. Collect some old hymn books or chorus books from the second hand store and work your way through them. If you aren’t sure of the melodies YouTube is a wonderful tool that will teach you any song you want to learn.
  5. Write one letter each week to one of my five grandchildren. In this age of Facebook, messenger and texts I want to communicate something deeper to these ones I love. Tell them some things that they won’t hear on their favorite show or while playing a computer game.

I still have my longer list that I might look at from time to time, but for now this is more than enough.

What are your goals for this year?

Hope each of you is holding fast to the God who loves you. Blessings on another New Year.

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Praying with Conviction

I was reminded recently of my cousin who attended the local university where I grew up. He lived in an all men’s dorm at the time. There was one fellow who really wanted to be married.  He started praying for a wife and as time passed felt impressed that a certain young woman was the one for him. He approached her and told her what he felt God had told him. Other men heard his story and followed suit. Each prayed a respectable amount of time and then approached the woman they felt certain God had given them. As word got around campus of what was happening the women started responding with…”Well, God hasn’t told me and until He does I have no interest in dating, let alone marrying, you.”

Praying is always a good idea. We need to pray more, but we shouldn’t use it as a tool to manipulate others who might not agree with us. Many people pray. Many people come up with different conclusions. Who is to be believed as having the word from God? I find that my prayers are colored by my desires. I am still human and my heart is deceitful. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t have this heart issue. I can respect someone, but that doesn’t mean I agree with everything they come up with when they are in prayer.

I am reluctant to proclaim…”I have prayed about it and this is what God wants!” Often the reality is “…I have prayed about it and this is what I want.”

So how do we pray? How do we know when the conclusions we come up with are the right ones?

A good place to start is to be honest with God. Lay out your desires and your wants, but also lay out your desire to follow His lead. To be ready to take yes or no as the answer. To be uncertain enough in our own ability to know the truth that we won’t be disappointed when God takes us down another path. Maybe one that is unexpected.

I am the most at peace in prayer when I leave the end result up to God. To explore possibilities on my knees is better than pushing my agenda.

This makes me think of a verse in Psalms.

“He gave them their request, But sent leanness into their soul.” Psalm 106:15

Am I so determined to get my way that God gives me my request?

God’s ways are not my ways. I long to be so close to Him that there is no doubt about each step I take, but until I step into glory that will not be the case. So in the mean time I pray. I pray for wisdom. I pray for grace as other brothers and sisters come up with different conclusions. I pray that God is at work in each of us to make us more like Him. And in the end that might be more of the point than all the grand plans we are determined to set in motion.

 

Where are We Going?
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Where are We Going?

“Where are we going?” Our granddaughter asks.

“Just get in the car and you’ll find out.” my husband responds.

“Why? Where are we going?” Arianna insists.

“Just trust me, you will like it.”

“But Papa, I want to know where we are going. Is it the mall or the grocery store?”

“I’m not going to tell you. Just trust me. It’s a surprise! Don’t ruin it.”

“I want to know. I need to know!”

“You need to be patient.”

“I can’t, Papa. I can’t!”

And so the conversation continued all the way to Dairy Queen. Arianna was rewarded even though she wasn’t patient, demanded to know, and didn’t quietly trust. Her Papa rewarded her with one of her favorite treats, not because of her quiet obedience, but because she is his granddaughter and he delights to surprise her with good things.

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I was reminded of this episode when we found ourselves in the middle of a housing crisis.

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While looking for a home on short notice we encountered several slammed doors. A couple offers slipped through our fingers. We prayed again and again.

“Where do you want us, Lord?”

Almost as clear as day I heard Him say.

“Just trust me, it’s a surprise.”  (We were not amused.)

Funny how God uses our own words to pierce our heart.

…”In repentance and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.” But you were not willing…Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you…He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.”  Isaiah 30:15, 18, 19

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Praying the Hard Prayers

I struggle to pray “correctly.” Over the years I have heard many sermons and read many books on how to pray. But when it comes right down to it, praying isn’t a formula to be followed. It is a God to interact with. “Come now, let us reason together,” it says in Isaiah 1:18. That doesn’t sound like a God who wants me to follow a formula. That sounds like a God who wants a back and forth conversation with me.

I’ve prayed “Thy will be done” many times, but sometimes I think it is the easy way out. It is easier to pray that than risk praying something that God says no to. It is hard work to seek God’s will and then pray accordingly. And frankly, after seeking God’s will we still aren’t always completely sure that we’ve gotten it right. That’s where the “reasoning together” comes in.

Almost 30 years ago my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. I prayed passionately for his healing.  In contrast, many around me prayed for God’s will to be done. It offended me that they weren’t willing to go “all in” with their request. I was crying out to my heavenly Father for something I desperately wanted. I was praying in faith believing He would answer. Night after night, week after week I wrestled with God. Asking Him to do what was impossible from a human standpoint.

A few months later my Dad died. I was heart-broken. I had risked everything by praying for his healing. God whispered, “…no.” He had healed him, but not in the way I wanted. I wanted him here with me. God wanted him there with Himself. God’s will won out. I wept and slowly accepted it.

Do I wish I had prayed “…if Thy will be done”?  No, I faced this with my God. Night after night I had reasoned with Him. I had poured out my heart to Him. He did not despise me for being honest. He walked me through the grief and slowly I learned that even when He says no, I can still trust Him.

He grieved that I grieved. Yet, His purposes remained out of my reach and understanding. He whispered, “Someday I’ll explain it to you. Someday you will understand.” That had to be enough.

He continues to walk day by day, moment by moment with me. He doesn’t desert me when the road gets unbearable. He doesn’t mock me when I pray foolish things. Each of those face to face encounters teach me more of who He is. Those times of reasoning together, even wrestling…if you will, bring me closer to the God who loves me more than I can imagine.

So I continue to pray incorrectly. I continue to risk praying the hard prayers. Because that is where I learn more about God and His ways.

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 (NKJV)

This post was first published at  Biblical Counseling for Women

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What Did You Bring Me?

The words spilled out as I raced to meet my Dad in the driveway. His work had taken him away from home for a few days. Knowing he always brought home a small, “I was thinking of you,” present I was anxious to see what it was.

I saw his face fall and his brow darken. His disappointment was obvious. Yes, he had brought us all something, but he was disappointed that my first words weren’t to welcome him home.

My words betrayed my heart. I was glad to see him because it meant a gift. I should have wanted to see him, not the present. I should have asked about his trip, enjoyed having him home and rested in his presence. Instead, I was focused on myself and what he could give me.

Sometimes as I pray I remember that encounter and wonder how God reacts to my requests. What is my motivation in prayer? Do I rush to pray so I can get things from God, or do I rush to pray to spend time with the Father who I love? A Father who has promised to do, “abundantly beyond all that we ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20b NASB)

Yes, my Dad gave me a present that day. I think it was a pack of gum. He handed it to me as he pointed out my defective manners. More importantly he taught me the difference between people and things. The relationship always has to be more important than the things. Always.

“…Because this people draw near with their words and honor Me with their lip service, But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote;” Isaiah 29:13 NASB

 

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When Miracles Don’t Happen

It has been a difficult decade. There have been many sleepless nights. There have been many tears. I have prayed believing. I have prayed even though I didn’t believe. I have prayed when i didn’t feel like praying. My prayers have been whispered, spoken and shouted. They have been written down on my laptop, leather journals and scraps of paper. Often my prayers have been wordless. Having said all I could think of to say I left the words to the Holy Spirit who promises to “intercede for us with groanings too deep for words.” (Romans 8:26)

We are instructed to pray, and yet what is our response when we don’t see an answer? We want to hear about the miracles and the happy endings. We don’t want to hear about the financial struggles, the sexual abuse, people dying of cancer, prodigal children or broken families. The church speaks loudly in its silence. Like Job’s silent friends who sat and watched. (Job 2:11-15) When they finally did speak it was to blame Job for the trouble he was in. (Job 4 etc.)

We delight to look at Hebrews 11, the faith chapter. It is full of miracles. God doing great things through ordinary people because of their faith. The words “by faith” are used 19 times in that chapter. But there are others mentioned in verses 35-38 that we tend to ignore. They were tortured, stoned, sawn in two, put to death etc. They were not living the miracle life. Their situation was more of a nightmare variety, but in verse 39 it says “all these, having gained approval through their faith…”

I was startled when I read Genesis 15 the other day. It records a conversation Abraham had with God. God was again repeating his covenant promises to Abraham. Then comes verse 13. God wanted Abraham to know something…to know for certain…

“Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years.”

That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing anyone would want to know for certain. Yet, I believe that we need to know for certain that life will be hard. Things won’t always go as we planned. Sin will continue to corrupt this world and our lives. We need to prepare for the ugly in our life so we don’t loose our hope. Someday it will be different. Someday the trouble we have gone through will be over. The trouble is not an indication of our lack of faith. The trouble is not an indication that God is mad at us.

The good news is we have a God who promises to always be with us in the midst of that trouble (Matthew 28:20; John 16:33) As we learn to cling to Him we understand His worth. He is a God that walks through the darkest of nights with us. I believe that those dark nights reveal more to us about who He is than the perfect ordered life, we long for, ever could.

So the next time you hear people talking about the miracles in their life remember that God often does the most amazing miracles in the dark. Some of us will have to wait until we get to heaven to see the miracles revealed, that we so longed for on earth.

(Originally posted January 5, 2015 at Lytroo Retreat.)